May 21, 2011

Somethin ain't quite right

Its been an eventful year, two companies I've worked for are no more, my family has been rearranged, I've had two operations, and my first adult pet ( a beautiful golden retriever named Dougal ) had to be put down. Some of these events might be worth revisiting for the sake a story at some later point, but generally speaking that's it for that, no point in a blog for self pity. For now I'll just say it left me seriously rethinking what I'm trying to achieve in my life.

But what's up now? It should be all over but there is something lingering, its like being sick, but not quite. Its worse after a busy day, physical or mental exertion. I've mentioned it to several doctors but its so vague they are reluctant to pin it down, I've consulted doctor Wikipedia (a dubious practice at best) and the closest thing I can find is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Its insanely frustrating, I'm sitting on the couch bursting out of my skin with plans and ideas to get my life back on track (a different track, but I'll get to that) but my body and mind just won't co-operate. I've been a highly motivated guy most my life and this is driving me nuts, but if it is CFS it could be here forever.

So in the middle of all this recent unpleasantness I found myself with no income for a few months. My beautiful supportive wife works one day a week, that was all we had. But here is the thing, it wasn't that bad. I had heaps of time at home to research ways of living on less, I was amazed how little you could actually live comfortably on, and I got to spend more time at home (or had to at that point). This combined with what I had seen in my work as an animator recently (where hard working artists were chewed up and spat out left right and centre) left my wife and I seriously questioning what we were trying to achieve with our careers.

So now everything is up for grabs. Working? A House? Commercial Art? Income? Just what do I aspire to? Physically I feel crap, my career has smashed to a near stand still, but is it a tragedy or an opportunity?

How things are to be rearranged is yet to be completely fleshed out and is in part why I've started writing things down.

This thing I know, I find myself believing I can and will be happier with less.


Is it a mid life crisis? Well Who knows, I've had enough, I'll be checking out as much as I can manage and writing stuff about it here. Its for me more than anything, but you are welcome to read if it tickles your fancy.

Themes may include art (animation mostly), gardening, cooking, farming for two, animals, frugal living, the environment, indie computer games I may be working on, and maybe some politics (sorry).